This is a difficult subject to discuss considering my Reformed leanings, I mean, really…mystical experiences? These experiences started more than 15 years ago when I was young in the faith. I would spend every spare minute pouring over the scriptures, following scripture chains, reading tracts, short Bible studies, etc. always attended with repentance and prayer, sometimes even tears of sorrow over sin, or joy for the forgiveness I have in Christ. Over the years these experiences would happen after intense periods of prayer or intense studying of the sacred scriptures and theological works, but not always, that’s enough of an introduction.
I’ll jump right in by explaining the very first experience I had over 15 years ago. At the time I had a job which allowed me to read throughout the day so I brought my Bible to work every shift and spent the majority of the day reading it. At the end of each day, after family time and everyone settled in, I would set time aside for prayer. Nothing crazy, just 30 minutes to pray and meditate. The first “mystical” experience I had took place after a time of fervent prayer. I wouldn’t say I did anything different, it was just time aside, a pattern I had been using for a few months at this point. I finished praying, and took the dog for her last walk of the day, this was my usual routine. As we walked our accustomed path I noticed a warmth or radiance to my surroundings. It was a pleasant fall evening, the sky was full of stars and I felt as if I was touching or apart of all that surrounded me including the stars above. It wasn’t trace like – just an experience.
When I looked up into the night sky it was as if I was united with all of creation and I lost my sense of time or space, just a deep connected-ness to God and creation. It’s difficult to describe or place into words, but it was similar to what you experience when you swim to the bottom of a pool and feel the water surrounding you, the water touching every part of your body. That night I felt as if I was rooted to the world with God and creation touching every part of my being. Throughout the experience I was overwhelmed with thankfulness to Jesus Christ. It was as if I was standing before my Lord, that I had entered the Holy of Holies and found myself complete in Him, in union with Jesus. The unity I felt with my Lord Jesus was humbling and overpowering. It’s difficult to say with any certainty how long this experience lasted, but it was a very happy, pleasing experience that really encouraged me fall deeper in love with Christ. After a time the experience faded somewhat. I wasn’t let down or disappointed when the experience was over, but I was further convinced of my need for Jesus Christ.
The experience I had that night stayed with me for a few days, the feeling of connected-ness, unity with God and creation through Jesus Christ, it all remained with me. Being somewhat of a bookworm I started to read up on mystical experience and found some confirmation of what had taken place in the writings of the Saints, especially the strangely beautiful experiences of God’s presence revealed to us in scripture. This mystical communion with Christ happened early in my Christian walk, I didn’t try to recreate the experience or avoid them. At the time I believed it was best to just let things happen, trusting in God. My reading and prayer routine continued and the experiences would continue to take place – often taking me by surprise. It could be during my walk home from work or while performing a daily task like getting the kids ready for bed. The feeling of thankfulness to Christ and unity with my surroundings would flood in and fill my soul with a sense of love that both lifted me up spiritually and humbled me at the same time.
A few years passed by and, as any good theology nerd, I read B.B. Warfield’s work “Mysticism and Christianity.” I was already leaning in the Reformed direction due to a plain reading of Romans 9 (among other passages), so I decided to shun all things mystical, convinced by Warfield’s good logical sense. Warfield wrote that a mystic was mute because they have feelings and not concepts. Fair enough. But I can’t help believing I understand better what it means to, “Serve the LORD with fear, and rejoice with trembling” or to, “Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and ye perish from the way…” The concept of, “Blessed are all they that put their trust in him” is more real to me because of the experiential knowledge of these concepts Jesus Christ has granted me. I am convinced He supplies both head knowledge and heart knowledge!
For the past 15 or more years these mystical experiences have continue to take place and I am now thankful for them. After all, experiencing the risen Christ has deepen my love for Him, the scriptures and frequent participation in the Lord’s Supper. It sets me on my knees in a state of deeper repentance and prayer. If this makes me heterodox and I’m not convinced it does, or even that I am unique, may God have mercy upon me. May He guide me back to the narrow way. I’m not convinced I’m my experiences place me outside of the pale of Christian orthodoxy and so I’m ready to explore these experiences further. This confession may lead to more posts that many may consider heterodox, but please know that I still consider myself Reformed just not one that can walk in tight unanimity on the issue of my experiences of God. May God forgive me where I error.
Yours in the Lord Jesus Christ who saves to the uttermost,
PS: If you have any comments or thoughts on my post please leave them below.
PPS: No I have never done acid or any other illegal drugs. lol
PPPS: I’m hold on to some details – I’m not ready to share them yet.