Smoking Spiritualized

Got my pipes yesterday from a friend in the States. He sent me two cobs and a Grabow, with some wonderful aromatic tobacco. I offer this poem by Ralph Erskine (1685 – 1752) for your amusement.

Smoking Spiritualized.
In Two Parts.

The first Part being an old Meditation upon Smoking Tobacco;
the second, a new Addition to it, or Improvement of it.

Part One: The Law *

THIS Indian weed now wither’d quite,
Tho’ green at noon, cut down at night,
Shows thy decay;
All flesh is hay.
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.

The pipe, so lily-like and weak,
Does thus thy mortal state bespeak
Thou art ev’n such,
Gone with a touch.
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.

And when the smoke ascends on high,
Then thou behold’st the vanity
Of worldy stuff,
Gone with a puff.
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.

And when the pipe grows foul within,
Think on thy soul defil’d with sin;
For then the fire,
It does require.
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.

And seest the ashes cast away;
Then to thyself thou mayest say,
That to the dust
Return thou must.
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.

Part Two: The Gospel

WAS this small plant for thee cut down!
So was the Plant of great renown;
Which mercy sends
For nobler ends.
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.

Doth juice medicinal proceed
From such a naughty foreign weed?
Then what’s the power
Of Jesse’s flower?
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.

The promise, like the pipe, inlays,
And by the mouth of faith conveys
What virtue flows
From Sharon’s rose.
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.

In vain th’ unlighted pipe you blow;
Your pains in outward means are so,
Till heav’nly fire
The heart inspire.
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.

The smoke, like burning incense, tow’rs;
So should a praying heart of yours,
With ardent cries,
Surmount the skies.
Thus think, and smoke tobacco.

*The first part, according to the adverstisement, is of unknown origin, and not a work of Erskine.

Toward a Theology of Pipe Smoking

Fun reading for your lunch hour today, enjoy!

In which it is argued that worthy pipesmoking is one of the ultimate gifts of the Holy Ghost and brings its practitioners very close to the nature of the Kingdom of God, which arguments are diligently supported by unassailable proof texts and incontestable logic.

“Back before fundamentalism caused much of American Christianity to go off the moral deep end and get caught in up in a fevered attempt to demonize a whole series of behaviors that are morally neutral, pipe smoking was seen as a very decent and proper thing for a theologian (& anyone else) to do. In many Christian communities which successfully fought off the tendency to condemn everything, pipe smoking has always and continues to be appreciated for the benefits it brings to moments of relaxation, conversation, and mental clarity.”

You can read the blog here.

TV loves me, this I know

A friend just sent me the following:

TV Loves me this I know
The TV Guide it tells me so
Little minds to it belong
They are weak but the signal’s strong
Yes, TV loves me
Yes, TV loves me
Yes, TV loves me
The guide it tells me so
Family’s out and gay is in
Loving God is now a sin
Occult worship is divine
TV loves me trains my mind
Yes, TV loves me
Yes, TV loves me
Yes, TV loves me
Norman Lear he tells me so
Movie murders with an axe
Really help me to relax
TV Guide on my knee
Makes me wish that I could read
NBC loves me
CBS loves me
ABC loves me
Elvira tells me so
Comfort me most every night
Bath me in your bluish light
When I’m tuned in I’m feeling fine
As I kneel before my little shrine
This little shrine of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little shrine of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
This little shrine of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine
Prophets of the picture tube
Like: Sally, Oprah, and Donahue
Tell me how things ought to be
Pre-digested thoughts for me
Dan Rather loves me
Tom Brokaw loves me
Dave Brinkley loves me
Geralda tells me so
Football games and Reebok ads
Nordic Track and weight loss fads
Mesmerize my captured mind
While I sit on my fat behind
Yes, TV loves me
Yes, TV loves me
Yes, TV loves me
The beer ads tell me so